Life in general, and business in particular, conditioned us to be independent, that to be successful, we need to rely on ourselves above all. Dubbed the superstar effect, people realize that being the best at one thing pays off disproportionately more than being good at many things: just ask any top ranked athlete. We are then raised in an environment that prides on excellence above all, often disguised as meritocracy.

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However, life and business is changing. Technology has shortened the shelf life of great ideas. Competition has leveled the playing field. Migration has created cross-cultural organizations. Everything has become more complex and fast-paced. In short, to succeed in today’s environment, we increasingly rely on other people. No one person can do everything, and great ideas need to be cultivated by teams of people with common goals.

We are thus on the cusp of an organizational dilemma: we have been conditioned to lead by telling people what to do and how to do it, but our world needs us to be more interdependent. How then are we to adapt to this new reality?

In his new book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, Edgar Schein outlines the soft skills that can help us succeed in working interdependently.

1) Developing here-and-now humility: Contrary to traditional forms of humility, where respect is conferred on people of status or high achievement, here-and-now humility is the acknowledgment that at one point or another, we rely on others for information, skills and expertise. The lead surgeon relies on the anesthesiologist, residents and nurses at various parts of the operation. If he does not recognize this, he may overlook some critical factors, if any team member is unable to speak out due to personal and cultural obstacles. As the leader, he needs to initiate the dialog by asking the right questions.

2) Engaging in humble inquiry: The difference between humble inquiry and other forms of questioning is sincerity. People are acutely aware of orders and criticisms disguised as questions. Leaders need to ask questions they genuinely want to find out, not just asking for the sake of doing so, or because they are afraid of confrontational language.

3) Building trusting relationships: The team needs to feel safe to speak up, and in many cultures, this is not the case. Leaders need to build a trusting relationship with the team, and this often starts with the leader putting himself or herself in a vulnerable position and acknowledging that he or she needs everyone’s help.

It is precisely this vulnerability that makes Humble Inquiry easier said than done. But it is only with being vulnerable that we are able to develop a safe haven for feedback and ideas. Start small, open up and ask questions. You may be surprised with what you learn about others, and by extension, about yourself.